Journal · June 2, 2026
A house manager’s first ninety days
Every household is a small institution with its own history. Notes for the house managers we place on how to join one without breaking anything.
A house manager who joins a household joins an institution with its own history, its own habits and, almost always, a member of staff who was there first and is not sure about the newcomer. I have given the same advice to the house managers we place for eighteen years. Here it is, written down.
The first thirty days: listen
Change nothing that is not dangerous. Walk the house at every hour of the day and night, with the person who knows it best, and write down what they tell you. Learn where the water shut-off is, who has keys, which doors are never locked and why. Learn how the family like to be addressed, and by whom. Learn the names of the dogs before you learn the names of the children; you will need the dogs’ names sooner.
Days thirty to sixty: write it down
By the end of the second month, the household should have, perhaps for the first time, a written book of the house: the staff and their hours, the suppliers and their numbers, the systems and who services them, the calendar of the year and what each season asks for. Show it to the principals. They will almost certainly correct something important.
Days sixty to ninety: begin
Now make the changes you have been saving up, a few at a time, and explain each one to the staff it affects before you make it. The household has watched you for two months. If you have listened, they will let you begin.
We call every house manager we place at the end of their first ninety days, and every principal too. It is the most useful conversation we have with either.